Why do I need to forgive him? I am not going to forgive her, she doesn’t deserve it. Why forgive someone like that, do you know what they did to me? What is forgiving that idiot going to do other than let him think it was okay? He is gone now, so what difference does forgiving him make?
This is a topic that can be ran with and taken in many directions, but my focus of forgiveness is not to show you what forgiving someone can do for them, but instead what it does for you. We have all had things in our life happen were we held grudges or just held anger inside due to a situation that he had been put through. Take just a few minutes and think back to your situation in particular… Do you remember the anger now, do you remember the nights you could not fall asleep because you could not calm your mind and stop thinking about the feeling of being wronged or betrayed? You may even be sitting in the chair in front the computer screen right now reading this and all the feelings are rushing back into your mind. That feeling of not having control of those emotions is what can and will destroy any hope of happiness within ourselves.
I myself have struggled with this exact issue, carrying around anger and hatred due to feeling like I had been done wrong and in some cases telling myself I had let go of the grudge and then later just finding out that I had not and it was still bothering me. When I stop and think about it and truly be honest with myself, I was the only one it was hurting to carry that anger around it sure was not the other individual and in most cases that other person may know that they did wrong but they had moved on while I had not. Can you relate to that? If your answer is no, rethink that because you may not be doing yourself justice.
Before you assume I writing this to just say, ” Oh, forgive everyone and life will be peachy.” Put yourself on the other side, think about if you have ever done something or said something to someone who may have hurt them and it has never been discussed or worked through. Now, think about if one day that person that you hurt sent you a random email or showed up at your door or called you and said,” Hey, I do not agree with the things that have been done but I just wanted you to know that I forgive you.” This would not be like the movies where the forgiven all of a sudden have gold beams of light pouring out of every crevis and they begin floating because they have been set free. Most of the time it would have the opposite effect, It’s like the big kid on the playground stole your milk money and instead of fighting him or treating him how he treated you, you simply say,” Enjoy your Milk.” That big kid may think you are nuts but that one-act of pure selflessness may be what it takes to show that person what real freedom is.
Forgiving is not easy, this is something that many of us wrestle with for a very long time before ever being able to actually forgive anyone, but that feeling you will enjoy after you do forgive is indescribable. The freedom of not being a prisoner of your own hatred and anger and knowing that you set yourself free from the hypothetical bars that “you” are locked behind.
As I mentioned before, this is something that I have struggled with and have lately had this topic on my mind and pulling strongly at me. The answer to all of the opening questions for me is simple ” You are not forgiving them to set them free, you are forgiving them to set yourself free.” These are only my thoughts on forgiveness and you may agree or you may agree to disagree and either way I do not think that there is a wrong answer when it comes to this topic but I do think you should take the time to put some thought to it and then turn your thoughts inside out.
Raymond
All Things Raymond 